Reflection: The Other Twin
by RELiC-SPiRiT
Summary: Fai remembers his past and he thinks he is nothing more than a reflection. May have spoilers for Celes Arc.


**RELiC's Notes**

**Title:** Reflection: The Other Twin

**Rating: **T

**Fandom:** _Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, _set before the group arrives at Celes.

**Summary:** Fai remembers his past and how much it will haunt him- how he grew up believing he and his brother were a sin, his desire to put his dead brother in his place and his abhorrence to take Kurogane's lifeblood that is being so willingly offered to him.

**Warnings**: Blood, Fai being angsty.

**Disclaimer:** Characters, names and places belong to CLAMP.

_Italics-_ Fai's thoughts

_**Bold and Italics-**_ referring to a particular character.

Enjoy!

Pale, translucent skin, cold to the touch, blond hair hanging in strands, bony features prominent under cotton and silk. One blue eye stared listlessly at his reflection, seeing nothing but that other form in the mirror, the stark black colour of the eye patch making his eye socket hollow, his cheekbones higher, and his lips paler. His image brought him to another time, another place, one he was too familiar with. A place he fought so hard to escape, a fight that cost so much and left so much hurt, so much pain. His reflection gave a twisted, sick grin, taunting him.

He was nothing more than a double. A reflection unable to fade once the real copy moved away. Yes, he wanted that- to disappear. But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how desperately he constructed walls to seal himself away, he could not escape. Of course, a few of his masks shattered when _**he**_ started to figure it out- he had not been able to pick up the shards and construct it again. So he kept them, stuck them back together as crudely as he could and wore it for the world to see. _**He**_ knew why; _oh yes, of course he would know- _he thought as thin fingers pulled sluggishly at the cream silk tie at his neck- because he wanted to show the real him. The double. To prove to him there was no point in living.

But, of course, it did not work. Now he was left here, staring at his own image, a sick and ugly form of the one who should be standing in his place. The tie landed on the floor, soon followed by a navy woolen. What was this use, this need to clothe one's body? _Useless, useless_, he thought, ripping open buttons on his shirt, _useless for someone like me who cannot live- not for a reflection_. The shirt slid off sharp shoulder bones, rumpling on the floor. He ground his teeth, hating his very reflection, his very birth.

_Why am I such a sin? _

Hands reached up to his chest, much too narrow as his fingers fit between ribs. One eye traveled the length of the mirror, following his gaunt form, watching in disgust. Hatred boiled in him, a fuel so poisonous within. He did not morn his decision on that damned day- no, he abhorred the words he spoke to the two that saved him, hating those who cast him away, the ones who made him tainted. His face contorted, and he watched as his reflection lashed out, hands slamming on the wall either side of the mirror, before he realized he had cried out.

"_Why was it such a sin_!?" his voice screamed, and he panted as his reflection copied him, offering no solace, no words of repentance. He knew what was to come. He knew he would have to go back there, back to the place where he thought he had a chance. Anger burned deep in his chest, and he swung a fist at the mirror, but it barely made contact- his vision darkened, he could feel himself swaying as he stumbled backwards- his breath came in slow gasps as he crashed to his knees, his question still echoing in his ears. Slowly, his body crumpled, and he gripped his hair as he crouched on the floor.

_I am not worthy to live._

Vaguely, he could hear voices, a door opening and closing, hurried footsteps, the swish of a silk gown. Footsteps approached him- two pairs, he realized- and heard the slick glide of a sword unleashed from a scabbard. He felt his pulse quicken, his need to feed further fueling his anger.

"Oi."

Fai did not answer. Fai knew exactly what _**he**_ was going to do. But would not, could not- accept what he could give him. Instead Fai rose to his feet, his arms limp beside him.

_It is a sin…_

Suddenly he turned to face Kurogane, his arms flung out beside him, a wide grin on his face, but not his usual whimsical smile. It was twisted, mocking, and fake. The smile that should have graced his face from the beginning.

"What am I to you?" Fai asked, grinning all the wider as he glared at Kurogane and Sakura, watching the girl take a frightened step backwards. Kurogane stared right back, his sleeve rolled up, sword in one hand and his wrist cut and open, blood running down his arm. Fai heard the blood drip from his wrist, watched it stain the carpet. He restrained the urge to lick his lips in sudden desire.

**No.**

_You must pay for this sin_…

"Someone who has a life worth living." Kurogane replied, his face emotionless but his sharp eyes surveying him constantly. Fai closed his eye, threw back his head and laughed. The sound snapped through the silence, a sharp, barking laugh as he felt the snarling fire in his chest.

_What a pathetic piece of work this is…_Fai thought, as Kurogane raised his arm, Sakura hovering behind him, watching with wide green eyes. "Are you going to take this before I bleed to death?" he asked, and Fai lowered his head, his one blue eye fixed on the other man, his glare piercing. He stepped forward, grabbing Kurogane's wrist roughly, dying his fingers with the ninja's blood. Kurogane moved to grab Fai's arms- but Fai's hand darted out towards Kurogane's face, and dragged his finger down Kurogane's cheek.

"Do you really think _this_would give my life back?" he sneered, his finger smearing the blood down Kurogane's cheek, his finger digging into his jaw line. Kurogane jerked his head away, his look full of disgust and disappointment. But Fai didn't stop.

_You will bear this monstrosity…_

"Do you know what I am? I am sin. I am a _sin_," he hissed, and Sakura hung her head in her hands. "I am nothing more than a reflection." He sharply raised his now red hand, "And this- this _life_, will do nothing for me. NOTHING!" He screamed, chest heaving, one hand clenched into a fist as the other bore the mark of a life he refused to take. "Don't waste your time." He snarled, already turning away, his mind already made up. He heard Sakura sob from behind him, but nothing from Kurogane.

Footsteps again. Kurogane knew it was useless to argue. A door opening, the sound of rustling skirts and a sword re-sheathed. Fai still felt the burn in his chest- it had grown to consume his entire body, his mind, his soul. The door closed with a resounding click.

Slowly, Fai turned to the mirror. With blurred vision he rushed towards it, his fists raised, screaming as his hands made contact with the glass. The mirror shattered, a thousand pieces falling around his limp form. Whimpering now, Fai squeezed his eye shut, his hands gripping the broken glass. But no matter how tight he curled himself into a ball, no matter how hard he tried to cover the shards, Fai could still see his reflection.

_Just an illusion... _

_I am nothing more._


End file.
